just a feeling...

I can't get my Aunt off my mind today.  She has Alzheimer's disease and is living in a nursing home.  She can't communicate with us anymore and most times can be found in the fetal position in the bed.  I haven't gone to see her in a while.  I really don't know what to do.  When anyone goes to visit all she ends up doing is crying the entire time and the doctor even said less visits are better because they interfere with her routine.  I feel if I go see her I am just doing it for myself. But am I really? I mean how does the doctor really know that she is not benefiting from the visits. I mean I can see that it upsets her but does it upset her more to be ignored like she no longer exist.  It upsets me to see her the way she is.  This woman was the picture of health.  She really took care of herself and was always full of energy and life.  To see her so frail and to not be able to communicate hurts me so bad.  I know she would not want to be living like this - if you can even call it living- more like existing.  I always leave crying which I know has caused me to, in my mind, decide it is better for HER to not visit her.   But is it?

This decision is very heavy on my heart and I just can't get her out of my thoughts. Do you ever feel like that people enter your mind because it is God's way of telling you they need you?  I think I need to go see her.